Love’s labour lost?

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All these tears,
and all this pain.
All the sleeples nights,
and all the attemps made invain.

Why do humans hold materialistic gain so much higher than human interaction?
Is love a lie?
I didnt think so, but now I feel so…
Does no one truly love?
So is everyone selfish?

 
Or maybe love isnt my thing.
That must be it.
Maybe thats the justification.
I’m selfish too no doubt.
So where do I look?
Maybe I don’t, maybe I suffer…

 

Its just too heavy
the worries, and the pain.
Why does it have to be so hard?
Where is the rainbow in all this rain?

 

 

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*The picture is of a rainbow above my house ^_^ *

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perturbed hearts…

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As I sit on my comfortable couch, all tucked in under a blanket, warm and shielded from the cold evening, the warmth of my laptop on my knees creating a pleasant feeling of being in my own protective cucoon, the soft glower of the lamp on my side, casts a golden glow on all the furniture, bringing up visions of a cozy evening; my mind and heart is a-scatter, as turbulent as the wind howling outside and as perturbed as the over cast heavens above.
My heart despite the urge to otherwise, is yearning for that one human, that one soul whose heart beats as one with mine, and whose mind reads mine regardless the distance. Him whose gaze I would chose to be under, whose touch I want to shudder to, and him whose presence I seem only to be able to fathom in my dreams…
My mind is quick to snap me out of visions of the ideal bliss, and bring me crashing down to earth into the harsh realities of the storm ridden evening. A hundred story lines reel through my mind. To which ones would we resort to when in that moment under fire. My heart races yet the knowledge that he would be there with me, as he always is, nearer to me than the clothes on my body because he has resided in my heart and in my veins since that night, makes me see a glint of silver in the golden hued room, through my glistening eyes…
All the ‘what ifs” and ‘if nots”, the ‘maybe’s’, the ‘could be’s’ and ‘should been’s’ that we will to be, against the reality that he is ‘there’ and I am ‘here’ puts me through a bodily experience of being in a whirlpool, only it is all internal. No one as yet to my surprise has questioned my clumsy acts nor my random comments when I feel the pangs of the loss in connection for all I can envision around me is him, him and only him……
Here on my couch I close my eyes and take deep breaths, hands clenched, trying to obliterate the heart tearing need to look in to his eyes and have him say that’s its going to be ok; that I would be his and only his, and that I would answer to him and him alone.
I pray for open hearts and open minds, for chances given and chances taken, for love spread and love spent, satisfaction of our combined passions in body and mind, and most importantly memories of joy, laughter and smiles.

 

Humbled am I at the moment, for no choice is my own. A girl on the brink of womanhood, thoroughly lost in the choice of others for the moment. He could chose to leave me, and I plead as I pray that he goes no where, because I will always be here, too afraid to leave my nest, without a reassurance of a pair of strong wings. Heart trembles at the thought of pain I may inadvertently cause, the heartache of a thousand broken promises, a thousand would be’s and a snatch back of a million kisses given and fathomed.

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Stormy Days

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Rain drops roll down the window glass,
rain drops patter on the window panes.
Rain drops pound on the roof above,
rain drops wash off the muddy pathways.

The clouds rumble and growl, the rain is angry and wrath some. Its cold and mean out there and in reality no different to the predicament inside. On the other side of the window glass, water drops of another kind roll down my cheek. It is the surface of the bubbling anger and wrath, coldness and meanness within, but in a cosy setting. Dry ground, soft chairs and warm light are set behind me, but I prefer to watch the rain pound the earth mercilessly. Is there a satisfaction in it? Yes, I can relate to the anger of the rain and the growl behind the clouds. How they decide to come pouring all at once, at first gradually, then suddenly building up.

 
The shadows of the trees bowing to the anger of the rain, the shadows of the people struggling in the fleeting sheets of torrrent, all bent, at the mercy of water. Something so harmless yet so powerful. Like emotions, seemingly simple yet powerful, like a slight change in heart that causes such an impact to the outlook of life. In this dark picture I see mine own reflection, where my tears blend in with the rain drops outside, is there no difference. The skies fighting off emotions of their own, and that pull of heartstrings in my chest. Our worries unbeknownst to the rest of humanity, eats through till its too heavy to carry.

 
Every lonely moment spent finds my mind slipping into that ideal reality, unconscious to me I dwell more in that ideal than I do in this dimension of life. Is it too much to ask for? Is it too much to ask for emotional return, is it too much to ask for a touch of fingertips, foreheads and then lips. An act so universal, so very common, something that costs nothing but the flutter of hearts and raised blood pressure. Smiles linger on mine when I slip into this reverie, until the sharp slap of reality brings me back to the present. Smile vanishes with the sigh that’s more powerful.

How much longer? I ask myself.

How much longer till I’m alone once again and the tears would flow for another rainy day?

 

 

Safety net

 

“Claire!” he called in a low voice. I couldn’t see him yet, but I could sense the joy in his being. I smiled. 

I pushed aside the curtains with much effort. Why was I so nervous? Its just him. 

There he lay, the cause of all my misery these few weeks, the joy and love of my life. He stretched out his hand and I took it. I was surprised as he pulled me roughly towards him and hugged me. I hoped he couldn’t feel the thud of my heart. I didn’t know how much more it could take, but for the first time since he dropped me at my apartment, I felt safe. Safe from the world. Safe from all scrutiny. In my bubble of love, there snuggled in bed with his arms around me, not a care in the world for the moment I smiled with all the happiness I felt. 

At last.

“How have you been?” he asked softly. His voice, barely audible, yet comforting.

I pulled my head back to look at his face. His eyes bored into mine with intensity. There was no words to describe everything I was feeling. It was too complicated to tell him now. I sighed, and smiled. 

“Now, I’m better.” 

 

– In my dreams

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Sunsets

 

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It’s time.

Dusk is setting in. The rays of the sun recede before our very eyes and like a curtain, night is being drawn over us, ever so softly. There is darkness heading fast from the east while the west is in a burst of colourful splendour, the yellow, pink, orange and white, putting on its final show of light for the day. With the final spectacle done, we see the glow disappear like  a veil being pulled into a void. A star is dying, and we are all being sucked into the black hole. 

What you saw before, you cannot see now.

Its disappearing, disappearing, and gone!

Suddenly, we are in darkness.

 

 

 

 

Hey everyone! 
Hope you liked the view from my roof, and nope  I didn’t hurt myself getting up there!
It was such a beautiful sunset, the beach is just down the same direction except prolly 6 kms away. On a really good day I swear I can smell the sea! ^_^
Thanks a bunch!
Cinderzena! ❤

Dear Friday night

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Dear Friday night,

Last week the weekend days bullied me. I’m writing to ask you a favour. I know the weekend days are always very busy, and always partying, but since you are the one who commences it all, and the one they all look forward/ up to, they ll be bound to listen to you. So please Friday night, if you happen to meet Saturday and Sunday within the next few hours, please ask them to be good to me this week.  ^_^

Many thanks

Your’s always

Cinderzena

Elizabeth and Darcy, a year on.

“There is not much a wealthy man in possession of good fortune and great health would want than to live the rest of his life in blissful happiness with his beautiful and charming wife. This woman of known beauty and quick-witted mind has little else to do than to look after her wealthy husband’s mansion of a house, and be hostess to his parties. Yet the generally expected state of happiness in the year that followed their marriage was not disrupted by any generally expected occasion of even greater happiness or pride. Though there was much talked on this subject by the aunts, great aunts, friends and connections of the pair in concern, their state of happiness was undeterred and their love was as alive and burning in their hearts as it did when they professed their love for each other in that garden at Longbourn.

 

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*   This was just an attempt of mine for a sequel to Pride and Prejudice, just goes to show no one can really be the genius Austen was… 

 

 

What’s up with the “cinder”??

“Once upon a time there lived a Prince in a castle of bright white marble, lots of golden handiwork and a great wooden draw bridge. Surrounding the castle which stood atop a right sized hillock, rather like the Acropolis in Athens, were plush gardens and overflowing fountains. There were blossoms of every colour in the rainbow for as far as the eye could see and butterflies dotted the evergreen lawns. The Prince being of no lazy demeanor, was an active rider in the forests at the foot of the hillock and was also extremely fond of dancing. His cheerful and engaging countenance won the hearts of everyone he spoke to, and thus was the most sought after in all of the kingdom.”

UH!! A rather idealistic description of some dashing prince but let me not taint this charming picture that I expect most of us hear from a very early age. Nevertheless let me stress that them fairy tales are true and only true. The modern day Prince Charming may be found trading in their swords for iPhones, breeches for Levi’s jeans, and them fancy chaises and fours for Lamborghinis! : P So logically you better be working on them dishes a bit harder for a guy in breeches or hell bent on digging your own path in life for a guy in jeans. Regardless of which you prefer (yes to the breeches! ) I truly believe if you look hard enough, and beneath that first appearance, you can and will find your very own Prince Charming 😛

I presume we are expected to go on to talk about one vital component missing from the picture. The Princess-to-be who’d either be some well known heiress of some far off kingdom or an equally noble lady, or to the last resort due to an adamant Prince, a very fortunate cindergirl!!

*shiny eyes
*pinches ones self
Ahem!

To modern times!

Under the glitz and glamour of all that white, blue, satin and glass, the Story of Ella is one every girl should strive to accomplish. Nope, I don’t mean trying to find the handsomest guy in your city,(well good job if you do, but who can define true handsomeness, when beauty is in the eye of the beholder! 😉 ) but I wish you’d look underneath all the buzz and see the real Ella! As Prince Charming so delightfully puts it “It’s not about the slipper. It’s the girl in the slipper.”

*Chivalry ain’t dead Sir!

The ultimate moral of the story of Cinderella is that she didn’t lose her mind to become a Princess, she didn’t turn into a lazy bum to attain the daintiest crown in the kingdom, she wasn’t hungover after a dazzlingly tiring night in the arms of a Prince and most importantly she didn’t start being rude to her sisters just because she was chosen over them by the most eligible man in the kingdom! Ella was, is and forever will be the same sweetly disposed ever humble girl we see at the beginning of the tale.

Lessons off the tale

❤ Girl power is only limited by your choice of foot wear!

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Higher the heels the more badass the results! Flatter yourself and your tush, so go buy ’em 6 inch Laboutins! Don’t hesitate! Being feminine in your attire doesn’t make you any less stronger. Your choice of attire is not a definition of your strengths!

❤ The power of dreaming : )

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(and also singing while you do your daily cleaning) To keep dreaming no matter what the circumstance. The goodness of our intentions are the source of all action, and being positive and striving to achieve what you want in life at all times is a necessity, always! your dreams will be yours, and only you can keep the fire alive to see it through to the end! : )

❤ Miracles are real, so believe!

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Yes they exist, in all shapes, sizes and forms. You never know where one might come from, but keep your smile on, and keep going on in the rocky path of life. No one said its gonna be easy!

Lastly, (I better stop beating around the bush now) my point is that we women folk mustn’t let every other material possession define who we are. We must strive to be the best of our capabilities, for every human is truly gifted. Dreams do come true, miracles do happen, Prince Charmings do exist, and cindergirls will keep on dreaming of being the belle of the ball (or the dreams of a pair of new Laboutins come true)!